Coby Thinks

Coby J. Line

 
Hi there! My name is Coby! If you made it as far as the 'About Me' page, you must actually have wanted to be here. Glad you didn't misclick! I like to draw, and I write basically anything (stories, songs, poems, sometimes even essays for fun!), and I love to read and listen to music.

The first time I heard of a transgender person, it was my cousin Eri. However, I didn't understand she was trans - my parents explained her to us saying she was gay, and a male. Later, after being more exposed and after my cousin transitioned more, I realized the truth. Almost all of my other exposure to the LGBTQ+ community has come from the internet - all after I was thirteen or fourteen years old. After learning that being transgender was an actual thing,  and not just a fantasy of 'being a boy' that I'd always had in my mind, I started to question who I was, and how I presented myself to the world.

In the midst of all this, however, I've struggled with very bad clinical depression and anxiety. For the fear of being completely rejected or hated, I forced thoughts of gender identity to the back of my mind. I tried to make my wardrobe as feminine as possible, and I started wearing makeup much more often, even though I didn't like it that much in an attempt to hide the truth from even my own eyes. Then, when I thought I'd been dealing with enough, I started experiencing very bad dysphoria regarding how I looked and presented myself. This was kicked off when I took a dance class - where I had to wear form-fitting clothing in a room full of mirrors.

Enough was enough, and I started researching different gender identities. For a short time, I thought I might be non-binary, and had some online friends call me by they/them pronouns. All I knew was that I didn't want to be feminine. Then, by chance, someone mistakenly used he/him pronouns for me and that was basically it. I loved it. Those pronouns were perfect for me, and so I finally let myself be who I was. Who I am. Who I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

I've made huge improvements in mental health since then, and I'm much happier with life. Though I know my parents wouldn't accept me if I came out now, I still wear a safe binder that I bought with my own money and I'm slowly getting rid of all the incredibly feminine clothing I have. I've come out to my sister, and all of my online friends. All of them have been incredibly supportive, though not all of them fully understand. That's alright, no one fully understands anything, really.

On the Blog page, I'll be posting stories about my life and how I deal with dysphoria, poems and short stories about being trans or just about the LGBTQ+ community. You can find other social media for me on the "Looking For More?" page. I hope I can help you understand things or just feel better about yourself! Also, know that you are always loved. If not by anyone else, then by me.